greenmangostudio

I work for a public school in the USA and as such i have a computer owned by the school i use mostly for grading and meetings. The whole family is currently sick so me and my two boys (7 and 12) did not go in today. My 7 year old's tablet stopped working a few days ago and he wanted to watch YouTube so i let him use my work computer. I use it to listen to podcasts as i grade so they were fine with me on YouTube. Anyways, i set up YouTube for my younger son and went downstairs with my wife to help with clearing out a storage room we have. About a hour or so i come back up and see my younger son no longer has my laptop. I ask him where it is and he said my older son gave him $5 to use it. I go up to his room and the door is locked. I yell at him to open the door and hear scrambling before he opens the door a minute later with a guilty look on his face. I go in and ask what he was doing on my computer. He says some stuff about roblox, obviously lying. I open the history and there ar...

Requisite this didn't happen today, but a few years ago. I worked for the Federal government, and we used to have this program where you could check to see your hire date, years in service, make sure all promotions, etc. were all correct. On this program, after you signed in, the front page showed how many years, months and days until you were eligible for retirement. So, like all good things in the government, they decided to do away with that program, and replace it with another, worse program. I was explaining this to a colleague, about how I was upset that I wouldn't be able to check the retirement feature quickly any more. She asked me when I was eligible, and I said "oh in about 4 years, but that I'd probably stay a few additional years." And then she stated she only had 2 years left. I was flabbergasted. I knew I was about ten years older than her, and I knew what year she entered, because it was the first year of a training program she came in on. So I as...

So it was a few days ago and i was at the gym the other day, and I frequently see this one cute worker who likes to talk with me, and at least to me, it seems like she's being a little, flirty. well heres the fuck up, my dumb ass saw the feedback survey and assumed she would be the one reading them that night so I wrote something in the section "where can we improve" and wrote something along the lines of "if the cute girl gave me her number" well today I get a call from the manager there saying "I would like you to call me back and discuss the comment you made" I'm guessing I'm going to be banned for some kinda sexual harassment or some shit? Is there anything I can do at this point? TL;DR tried flirting with a worker through the feedback survey and probably getting banned now

Disclaimer: this will be gross and TMI I just came home from the most embarrassing date ever and now I want to curl up into a ball and evaporate. I went on this date with a guy, let’s call him Lenny (I have reasons for picking this name specifically). Anyway, Lenny and I had a great time at the start of our date, I’d truly felt that we had an amazing connection and the lead up to it with us texting and talking on the phone every now and then was also amazing. But the amazingness was about to explode in great globs of fire. We eventually went back to his place and quickly wound up sans clothes. Things were getting hot and heavy, and me having a bit of anal fixation, I exclaimed mid-sex “I want you to fuck my ass”. Lenny obliged, but since I didn’t prep we took it to the bathroom, where there was inevitably a bit of mess, but nothing too concerning. Though it certainly did seem to loosen some stubborn stools. After the deed was done and we cleaned everything up, we went back into Le...

My best friend is a 20 year old man who recently got broken up with. He's desperate to say the least. He's downloaded all the dating apps and is constantly on them. I've been trying to help him out by asking around our uni to see if there's any single girls. He says his dating range is anywhere from 18 to 23, which is fine, I don't judge. Last night I reached out to a group of girls on snapchat and asked if anyone would be intrested in getting to know him, a girl name Claire (fake name) reached out and said yes. So I sent her his contact info (snapchat username) and told him I sent a girl his way. Claire was nice and cute, she told me she was attending our uni and that she was majoring in elementary education. The two of them get to talking and they hit it off. They FaceTime for hours and wakeup together. My best friend texts me in a panic in the morning that he found out she's a minor still in highschool! Thank god he's smart enough to not have done any...

Our beloved grey cat, Greyson, died last year. He was a wonderful cat. He was closest to my daughter, so when a friend of hers offered her a grey kitten we all welcomed him. Because Greyson had been named due to his color I threw out the first name that sprung to mind — Earl Grey, for the kitten. My daughter LOVED it and named him that before he even arrived. As soon as I said it I realized that calling a cat “Earl” would be difficult for me, but I didn’t realize how my my daughter loved the name. I suggested a bunch of other names, but she was firm that Earl Grey is his name. Since she’d suffered the most at the loss of Greyson, I feel like we need to let her choose his name so she can bond with him. Greyson’s emotional support was very good for her and I want her to have that with the new cat. So now I’m stuck calling this kitten Earl and I hate it. Daughter says I should just make up a nickname and call him that instead, but I want him to know his name. Any suggestions for nicknam...

so this has been going on for a month, and i have no one to talk to about this besides him. my best friend is a guy and we talk about everything together and every day i am excited to either talk with him or just hang out. if something funny happens at home or i find a meme online, hes the first person I tell about it. he had a girlfriend for about a year and i always thought they were really cute together. sometimes the three of us would hang out and i would joke that they're like my parents and im their adopted child. recently he had been venting to me about their arguments, which started out like petty stuff like when he didnt text back right away while he was at work, or when he mixed up takeout orders. they were rly dumb arguments but they started happening more and more. cut to like 2 months ago, she breaks up with him out of the blue, and he is a wreck. i dont drive yet but i was trying to cheer him up and sent him cat videos and memes just to at least be a distraction. o...

I (21f) went to the mall today with my mom to shop for birthday presents for my uncle. It was all going great until we went to the pet store, then it went down hill from there. First off, I was wearing an extremely old pair of jeans that I’ve had since the beginning of time. They were a little snug on my legs and butt but comfortable. Me and my mom were looking at the fish when I decided to squat down to get a better look, and there were a couple little kids next to me with their parents I think. As soon as I began my descent into the slav squat, I could feel the fibers of my jeans separate like the Red Sea. There was no going back, and the sound of my pants being obliterated was deafening. The jeans ripped from butt crack to front crack. I flashed the fish and nice little family next to me for like 0.3 seconds and stood back up, I quickly exited the premises. I didn’t look anyone in the eyes when I did my pants ripping walk of shame. Thank god I wasn’t commando, I’d probably be in ja...

Me and a good friend of mine often hang out in restaurants. Since we are both university students and quite busy, we usually go for dinner. This time we also went quite late in the evening, and since I was working on my computer all day, I was feeling very tired, my eyes were sore and I had a pretty bad head ache. I was kind of zoned out the whole time, not really paying attention to anything. The waitress came and took our order, and as she was leaving, my friend turned to me with a horrified face and said “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??”. I just looked at him with confusion, having no idea what he was talking about. I asked him what he meant, and his response was: “the thing you did. The thing with your eyes. That’s hella racist”. I was still confused about what he was saying, but then it finally hit me. There is this thing I do when my eyes are cramping and giving me a head ache, where I just run my fingers through my eyes and pull the corners up and away really tight and keep them pul...

A pipe burst last week in my neighborhood and drained the water tower. Everyone lost water pressure for a day, and we were notified of a mandatory boil order for a few days. I have a filter system, so I thought I was okay. The next day, my birthday, I awaken to my one-year-old son puking on my face at 3am. Then I'm on a first date that night with a really cute girl I really like. We saw Puss in Boots with our kids and my son pukes all over me again. Then we get home and he pukes all over his bed. I figured it was this mysterious "24-hour stomach bug going around" his preschool teacher told me about. It was E.coli, and I drank way more of the water than he did. The next morning I wake up at 3am and barely make it to the bathroom. I begin completely puking my brains out when I realize I'm about to explode from the other end, too. I make a quick decision as to which would be less gross to clean up, and sit on the toilet. I then sit there and puke and then dry heave i...

So, this happened last night, but the fallout came today. Last night, my family (my two parents and sister (22f)) were browsing TV for something to watch. I’ve been watching the show death note, recently, and have gotten really into it, despite not being too into anime. I suggested we watch the first episode, thinking my parents might enjoy the plot. I skipped the theme song, knowing my dad would find it irritating. I explained a couple plot points at my dad’s request. Anyway, we watched it, my parents mostly enjoyed it, and that was that. Today, my sister started saying that our parents shouldn’t watch it, because she didn’t like skipping the theme songs, because it wasn’t watching it properly, and that I ruined the entire episode by talking during it. I told her that mom and dad liked it though. She went on to aggressively tell me that she’d had it on her watchlist for way longer than I’d been watching it for, and to stop treating it like it was my thing. This devolved into her yell...

Hello everybody this is one of my first posts on reddit so be patient with me please. So basically what happened is i went on the adult gif board on the website 4chan (what can i say i was horny) and stumbled across a rekt thread. Now I didn't know what it was at the time but i clicked on it and some of the most horrible gore ive ever seen poped up im talking beheadings shootings horrible horrible things i even saw the video of the pow getting castrated by russian soldiers that you may have heard of in the news horrible things that i cant even describe on here if you have ever been on 4chan you know exactly what im talking about. Now i cant stop thinking about it All day and night and i think i may be badly traumatised everytime i look at someone i think of the things ive seen and it makes me have an anxiety attack basically. I know i deserve no sympathy since i have done this to myself and its my own fault and im not shooting any shots at 4chan either i know i shouldn't h...

I (F18) and my bf(M19) have been dating for around 8months 5 of those we have been in an physical relationship, before we got together he thought he was gay he now identifies as bisexual with a preference for men, I am also bisexual and prefer men. Now here’s where I fucked up, a few months ago he said he wanted to explore men I ended up throwing up from working myself up over him breaking up with me. Although I don’t do well with polyamory we said it could be possible but didn’t talk about it again. Until last night we were on the phone and he brought it up again I once again got worked up and worried and threw up, he now thinks I’m disgusted with him I’m really not and I even laid out some ground rules if he was to explore polyamory. I just don’t know what to do I don’t want to loose him and I love him more than anything. TL;DR

Disclaimer: This actually happened a few days ago. I recently got into crypto and have gotten a little ambitious. Well, I put most of my paycheck into the markets, had a few bills go through and my account went into the negative. I figured it would sort itself out as I get paid weekly and I didn't want to sell any coin or anything. Well, It hasn't been a week yet and I have already made a fool out of myself again. I went to a new barber and he only took cash. No debit, no credit, only cash. So, I had to rush and pull the cash out getting hit with a fee at the atm, and again at the gas station. Lesson learned. Keep cash on hand. I won't be making that mistake again (hopefully) and plan to put, and keep, a little more in the account for safety. 10 or 20 is cutting it close, 40 or 50 would probably be better. (Don't laugh, I'm broke af) ​ TL;DR - Put all my money into the crypto market to squeeze that extra little bit of profit. Ended up getting hit with an overd...

This was last weekend, but the consequences only became clear yesterday. A little context before the actual incident. Two years ago I went through a breakup with someone I loved very much, who had been my friend for years before we started dating. The relationship ended with her telling me that I wasn’t strong enough to give her the support she needed, I wasn’t successful enough to be her long-term partner, and if we were together she would always wonder if she could have found someone better. Those words honestly fucked me up. I made a commitment that no one was ever going to throw me away for being weak or unsuccessful again. Over the last two years, I’ve pushed myself personally, physically, and professionally. I went to therapy and studied attachment theory to understand why I struggle in relationships. I went to the gym five days a week at 5am and gained 20 pounds of good weight. I changed jobs, earned promotions, and almost tripled my income. This has all been very rewarding, ...

My wife and I just bought our first house in 2022 and since we don’t have a lot in the way of decorations yet we’ve been getting creative with things we can make ourselves. For Halloween, I printed out hundreds of little bats with my Cricut and put them on the wall with blue tack. It went so well that I wanted to do the same thing for Christmas with snowflakes. I had started to work on an easily printable snowflake design when my wife showed me these bags of snowflakes from [Big Hobby Store] that looked perfect, and they were 60% off. I ended up buying 5 bags for less than $15 and the wall decoration turned out great! The fuck up is that I didn’t test the adhesive snowflake backing on the wall before I committed to putting up roughly 600 of them. It turns out the adhesive is awful and trying to pull off the snowflakes takes all the paint off the wall with them. I’ve tried Goo Gone, scraping, dish soap, and finally steam which works better but takes roughly 2 minutes per snowflake of...

This happened yesterday in NYC. I took the A train uptown from 59th St as I always do coming home from work. It was relatively busy for a Saturday and there were lots of folks on the platform and already on the train. So, when the car the pulled up closest to me (in the middle of the train) was nearly empty, I was pretty stoked to get a seat. Stepping onto the car, I noticed all of the windows were open, which is weird for a cold January day. Then, as the doors closed behind me, I smelled it. I imagine it would have hit me sooner, but masks delay these things I guess. The smell was a putrid mix of primarily urine with notes of vomit and a distinct fecal finish. “Oh no,” I thought. My eyes dart around the car to find the source of this olfactory abomination. The first thing I find is one of the benches has been… used. This long seat was defiled. It, and the floor around it, were covered in what was unmistakably bodily, but not immediately specifically identifiable. The smell is makin...

This story starts about an hour ago when I got out of the shower, when I had noticed a particularly large white bump on my privates. So I did what any idiot would do and wanted to see if I could just.. pop it, like a zit. After a few uncomfortable minutes of attempting different angles I knew I wasn't going to be able to get it out using just my fingers. So, I pulled out my acne/manicure kit and grabbed an acne removal needle. After poking at what I had mistaken for acne I found it was actually completely solid. It was at this point I started growing more worried and started looking for answers online and couldn't find anything to match what I was looking for, so I ventured onward.. by grabbing the dead skin removing knife from the kit and trying to cut out this massive bump. So after 40 minutes of craning my neck, bleeding all over a rag I sat on and going through way more rubbing alcohol and swear words than I should have; I finally managed to remove what was actually an ing...

Basically, my husband was saying something about how he always provides our child with the best things and what not. For some reason, I blurted out and said, “you were basically nonexistent for the first three years of his life.” I didn’t mean it. I’m not sure why I said it. It isn’t true either so maybe I just said it out of resentment for the day. He slept until 330pm and I was up since 730am with our rambunctious child trying to maintain the house while feeling sick and depressed. I apologized. Of course he’s pissed. Beyond pissed. How could he not be. He was present for our child and still is very much a great father, even more so as our kid gets older. When our kid was a newborn it was all me though. It was me changing the diapers and me feeding throughout the night and me trying to keep up on everything with the kid and everything else. I very clearly remember that but it’s been 7 years almost and it doesn’t matter now. I’m not sure what to do to patch that up. Definite fuck ...

Throaway, since my buddies gf knows my reddit. I don't even know how to start. But here it goes: me and my buddy are both in our mid 20s and work as engineers for the same company and we've know each other since high school and hes pretty much my best friend. We played a couple of rounds of cs tonight and were talking via discord. His gf works as a nurse at the night shifts sometimes, we usually use this time to game. The usual stuff. After the game we decided to take a quick break for a couple of minutes, so we did the usual shit chat. We somehow talked about school and how both of us really never enjoyed their time there as we grow up (we had both been bullied for being nerdish back in our school days). My buddy said that he hopes his daughter who is 3 f will have a much nicer time later in school/high school compared to him. It got to the point where we talked about all the "unimportant" stuff we had to learn while we were there. Well for me I've always dislik...

This happened yesterday but I’ve been dealing with the backlash all day today. Yesterday night me(18) and a few friends decided to go to a house party that another kid from my school was hosting. There’s a girl(Ann) that I don’t really know well but has some mutual friends with me that was going too and because of some rumors my friends had told me i knew Ann kinda liked me so I was planning on talking to her. Also Im almost always the DD for these parties because I don’t enjoy drinking that much so it always just works out that I drive. After we got there and I had talked to a few people I decided to go talk to Ann because why not. We were having a pretty good conversation and everything was going good but she was noticeably intoxicated already. After a while we mostly went our separate ways for a few hours. She had been drinking this whole time too. At around 11 one of Ann’s friends went up to me and told me that Ann wanted to HU with me and I politely declined knowing that she was ...

I feel like absolute shit. I drove up to a homeless man on the corner & asked if he was hungry. He told me he wanted a quarter pounder meal from Mcdonald’s so I said I’d be back in about 10 minutes. I went to Mcdonald’s, ordered the meal, and well…my card declined. I had them run it multiple times & it wouldn’t work. I know for a fact I have the funds so I’m not sure what’s going on. I even tried to ask for the meal for free & then return with payment later on because it was for a homeless man. They wouldn’t do it. I went back to my car & called my bank. After waiting for 30 minutes, an automated machine told me to leave my name & number and I will receive a call back before the end of the day. It’s been over 4 hours. Still no call. I tried to call them again. Same automated message. I’ve been feeling so guilty over this. I can’t imagine how he must feel to have been promised a nice meal & have someone never show up. I know it’s not my fault that my bank is ab...

I really really love music. I can easily listen to music for 8 hours a day. It's something really important to me. Well today I had to get some work done on my Chromebook. Normally I always use my phone for music but this time I decided I needed no distractions so I plugged my earbuds into the Chromebook instead. The first song I listened to immediately blew me away. The sound was so much clearer and defined than what I was used to and I even heard things I've never heard before in the songs. For example someone whispering in the background or a little sound effect. These were songs that I've been listening to for over a year so suddenly hearing there's so much more to them really surprised me to say the least. One of the things I also noticed is that it sounded a lot more like surround sound. I checked some settings on my phone when I noticed I had "mono sound" turned on which means both earbuds will play the exact same thing, pretty much deleting surround...

I’ve been in the Navy for the last 5 years and it is required that urinalysis tests are directly observed. My command had a problem with guys using a prosthetic called a whizzinator a while back and to combat this they implemented a local procedure that required guys to stand a couple feet from the urinal, drop their trousers and underwear below their knees and lift their shirts up above their belly buttons. It was totally invasive but after a few years you get used to it. Fast forward to yesterday and I had to provide a sample for a civilian contractor that works on the base I used to be stationed at. I filled out the paperwork and it said someone was going to follow me to the head (bathroom) so I figured it must be like the Navy since they work for the Navy. A guy followed me to the rest room and told me to go into the stall, I immediately went in there and adjusted my clothes like a toddler, the poor guy seemed taken aback and asked me if I usually pee this way. He informed me he o...

My gran remembers tasting pizza only once in her life and she did not particularly like it so she never tried it again. She sees it as one of those things that are for the younger generation. She prefers food that she is used to eating. Since it's her birthday week, I took a few days off work to spend some time with her and my little brother and to also plan a small tea party for her and her friends. I wasn't able to visit during Christmas time due to work so I want to spoil her. Yesterday, I was getting a few items for the tea party this Sunday and I decided to buy her a pizza for dinner just to surprise her and see how she would react. She wasn't really sure about it and kept asking why they would put pineapples on it but she tried it anyway just to humour me. I pretended not to notice how she looked like she was enjoying it while she was eating. I asked her what she thought and she said that it was okay. She looked like she enjoyed it better than that but I thought o...

This is my current situation. I am stuck in my bathroom. I had to go #2 really bad so i ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet to do my business. I have been watching TikTok’s and reading Reddit for a good 30 min as i usually do in what i consider my fortress of solitude. My legs started to go numb which is my usual sign that it’s time to get off the pot. I put my phone down and I reach for the toilet paper. This is where i notice my critical error… there is none. There is no one in my house and i have to be at the bus stop to pick up my kids in about 10 min. Now i have a few choices: waddle out of the bathroom and try not to make a mess on my journey to find toilet paper. Use my hand and just wash throughly after the fact or wait for my wife to come home which should be right before my kid gets off the bus. It’s a choose your own adventure situation. TLDR: i didn’t check the bathroom for toilet paper before i went #2

I worked for my employer for about 10 years before my then new boss joined. She had energy and was quite inspiring. Before she came it wasn’t well run and I hadn’t had many opportunities. She came and made some changes and improved how things ran and promoted me into this job. She helped me develop more than anyone else had and I got more confident in my role. She was a great sounding board for me and let me vent when things got bad. Things were really good for a while and our performance improved. Performance was impacted by the pandemic, lots of people went off sick and there were other difficulties. It became harder. Then my boss got covid and it took a long time for her to get over it. She was still in work but tired and everything seemed harder and performance was slipping. I still vented at her but she didn’t seem to have the energy to listen and I felt unsupported. One day her boss spoke to me after one of these meetings and I vented to him instead. He asked me about my boss ...

Mandatory this happened last night. I was staying at my boyfriends place last night when things began to get a little bit ✨heated✨. Anyways we got down to business clothing was taken off, etc… He went to insert his pp and couldn’t and was visibly confused trying to get it in. I just looked at him and said “sweetheart my panties are still on.” I hadn’t realized that he was not wearing his contacts and had taken of his glasses, and this man is BLIND without them. And I was wearing nude panties. He could not see that they were panties, he said he thought I just shaved. Anyways, this turned into a 30 minute laughing fit from both of us and neither of us got any action. He ended up saying “let’s just go get ice cream” so we went to a Culver’s (my favorite)! My boyfriend is completely deaf in one ear and only has 50% hearing In the left. We were just messing around with each other in the drive through and I was giving him grief because he hadn’t asked me to be his valentine yet. He said ...

obligatory; this happened a month ago but the shame was too much to bare to post it so quickly. Throwaway account for obvious reasons. Me(36M) and my wife(35F) like to flirt a little and keep things spicy both in and out of bed. Occasionally I send her nudes. You know... teasing and stuff. I usually delete them from our chats to avoid embarrassing situations. Anyway, on the faithful day of my fu, I had to return an RO(reverse osmosis) unit to a shop to get it fixed. Me being the way I am, forgot the invoice for the said RO. Not wanting to go back, I asked whether it was ok if my wife sent us a photo of the invoice. She agreed and I called my wife asking for the photo. As soon as she sent it over messenger, I opened it and gave her my mobile. Now here is where I did my second fu. I could have just sent her the photo, but why would I? It's not like I have any personal intimate stuff on the chat with my WIFE!! Anyway, she starts zooming in, and I could see she accidently changed ph...

Obligatory this happened years ago when I was in highschool, age's reflect that. So my parents were having a party and my gf (f16) and I (m16) decided to head to my room after some food and a few drinks (yes my parents let me drink early on). Things get heated and we start going at it and since there was a loud party going on we were being a bit loud and adventurous. Fast forward to her hoping on top for a ride, nothing on, just going at it. At that moment my mom, half in the bag, opens the door to see things no parent ever wants to see and immediately slams the door shut. We cover up with speeds only the Flash could match, exhausted from the activities we had just been doing. A few seconds go by and we hear "could you come help me find something?". At that point I threw on my pants and shirt while my gf hid under the covers. I opened the door, thinking to myself "wtf, why would she ask after seeing that?!". Go out, help her find whatever it was and as I'...

This didn't happen today, but a few weeks ago. My wife of 4 years gave birth to our first child last year. Both my wife and I are blue eyed and light skinned. Our baby has a darker skin tone. Over the past 6 months his eyes turned a very dark brown. I had my doubts. My friends and family had questions. I read too many horror stories online. I asked my wife half jokingly one day if she was sure the kiddo was mine. She starred daggers at me and said of course he is. I let it go for a while, but I still had a nagging doubt. So right after thanksgiving I told her I wanted a paternity test to put my doubts to rest. She agreed. A few weeks ago I came home to an empty house. Wife and son gone. On the bed she left the paternity results. And a petition for divorce. Kid is 100% mine. Now I will only get to see him weekends and I lost the most amazing woman I have ever known. TL;DR - I asked my wife for a paternity test. She decided she didnt want to be married to someone who didnt tru...

Context: I’m a pretty well respected business owner in my community. Involved in lots of groups, and have even run for public office. I also occasionally eat psilocybin mushrooms, mostly to keep depression and anxiety in check. Last week my 11 year old’s backpack strap broke as she was heading out the front door. I grabbed a travel backpack from my closet, hastily emptied it of its contents which were mostly just coins and receipts, and handed it to her. That afternoon when she came home she was holding a piece of chocolate wrapped in foil, and asked me what it was. I immediately realized my fuckup. About four months ago I took some homemade shroom chocolate on a camping trip and didn’t realize there were any left in the backpack. I had emptied it and put the rest in a safe place but had missed a couple. They must’ve been zipped up in a pocket. I asked if she’d eaten any, and she said, “No, I opened one and broke it in half and saw peanut pieces in it, so I didn’t eat it.” (Peanut a...

I’m a sixteen year old male and when I was younger, I was diagnosed with autism and adhd. (This is important for later) My grandpa was very traditional, he had never had a sibling or child on the spectrum so he didn’t really know how to deal with it. However, my grandpa had this beautiful set of walking liberty half dollars, I loved the sound they made when they clunked together. So from that point on this is when we bonded. He would get entire boxes of rolls of coins from the bank and we would go through them looking for silver. And for three years we made quite a collection. My grandpa died two years ago and it was very hard on me. I wasn’t all that close to my parents because they didn’t know how to deal with my disability and treated me more like someone who needed to be shielded. A month ago my parents came to me, almost pleading about the mortgage, they were short and they needed money. They asked to pawn my silver for only three weeks and they would get it out. I should’v...

Obligatory this happened many moons ago and I'm using a throwaway account. We were away from home staying with a friend couple. We've all been out on the town with them for the evening, and had returned their apartment for a little after-party / wind-down before bedtime. We were outside on their porch drinking and smoking and making a light-hearted jokes about what happens after marriage (we were all planning to get married fairly soon). The guys are lamenting the "no more BJ's after marriage" trope. The ladies are playing along, lamenting the "inevitable loss of romance and chivalry". My lady says something along the lines of she can't give me too many [BJ's] or I won't want the real thing *wink wink*. Playful-like, suggesting maybe I'll get the real thing later. Here's the FU; in my incredibly drunken and slightly embarrassed state I blurted out, "You're BJ's aren't THAT good." Immediate recognition of wh...

So I have always wanted a 3some with 2 girls. My now wife told me before we got married the possibility was low but not impossible. Whatever, its not a high priority. Well we started talking about it and we decided it might be fun to try. But then my wife says..... well if you get to be with another girl isn't it fair that I get to be with another guy? I paused..... yeah if you want that then I am cool. Months go by (rarely talked about it/planned). We finally one day decide dammit lets do it. Now I want her to do things with the female, it is only right I do things with the male. We did have our boundaries and not this list. So now that we have clear do's and don'ts we start looking to find people to fulfil the roles. I also started using butt plugs cause she wanted to watch me get bent over. While it was not the most pleasurable it was something for her so I did it. We had it set up everything ready to go and things are in motion. We planned to do guy one week then...

So for the past few months I’ve been gambling online playing poker and blackjack. I’d throw a hundred bucks here and there across a few different sites and usually end up losing. Well I went on a bit of a roll on blackjack recently and got up to $2000 in my account which I’ve never done before so I withdrew the funds! It wasn’t until I decided to check my banking records to see how much I’ve spent that I realized I have a problem. Since I started I’ve spent over $4000. The constant deposits have added up over time and I’m out a lot. So after a few days of waiting for my withdrawal to come through I see the funds have been put back in my gambling account because my bank refused the deposit… instead of trying to withdraw again I start playing blackjack. I played a few hands and found myself down to $725 left in my account. I decided to go all in with one $725 bet. I lost. Now I’m out $2000 that would have been very nice on the credit card and I’ve lost $4000 total siting here wonderi...

[Obligatory this was 2020 but still haunts me] During the entire COVID crisis me and my wife decided to do something about our weight, found a plan that'd work for us, we were both working from home, cake shops and restaurants were all closed so we decided it was now or never. Now if anyone has tried to lose weight alongside their partner they might find that people who are following the same plan and same diet will lose weight in different ways and at a different pace. Even worse when your partner has some body image issues too. My wife began to struggle part way through because she wasn't seeing any movement on the scales, I suggested she take some progress pictures because scales can stick while your body still changes, couple of days later shes looking at old pictures, looking at a new picture and flicking back and forth before announcing "Nope, can't see any difference, this is pointless" so I say send me the pictures you're using and I'll see if I...

This happened yesterday. I work in a fine dining kitchen, and I have been here for 6 months now. My executive chef (we will call him Andy) and I had worked together for 5 years at our old place of employment, so we are pretty close as far as coworkers go. Yesterday was a big day for me, because Andy asked me to come up with the next weekly feature. I had written down the ingredients I needed ordered, shared the recipe with him, he even knew how much product I needed. But when the truck shows up, none of my stuff is sent for delivery, and they say it will be next week before they can bring the right stuff. So I didn't have my product, and I was livid! Andy is upstairs meeting with an older man (found out he is our food rep later). They were sitting at a table talking about new products. I politely interrupt to tell Andy the situation. He replies "sounds good, just write down what you need so I don't forget to order it. Without thinking about any of it, I responded "I...

So I was talking to my brother this morning and he was in a good mood. He told me he had been hunting and showed me a picture of a really big buck he had killed. Now before I continue I should probably let you know that my family’s love language is insulting each other. There have been instances where people hear our conversations and stand up as if they’re getting ready to break up a fight. So when he shows me the picture my first instinct is to downplay it. I say “you probably just saw that deer on the side of the road and shot it.” He calls me a hater and we laugh and continue our day. About 2 hours ago we went to our cousin’s house and when my brother walked in this is the conversation that happened. Brother: “Hey (cousin) you gotta see this.” Me: “oh great” Cousin: “What is it?” Me: “He’s just happy he killed Bambi.” I noticed my cousin’s 2 young kids were in the room but I didn’t think much of it. They know what hunting is and I didn’t think they would hear that and think m...

The title says everything. I’m a 17 year old male, I’m more of a feminine kinda gay guy so I have the voice. I can’t change it though. However, I don’t make being gay my personality, I don’t wear nail polish or makeup or girl clothes or stuff like that. Im just a guy who likes guys. Well there’s this new student in my English class. SUPER cute, I mean like 10 levels of godlike, sculpted by the Greek gods kinda hot. So me with all my flirtatious experience I have. Begin talking with him. Well, my voice kinda sounds like a girl, but it has male sounding to it so I thought he knew. I am also, I don’t know how to say this, I have feminine facial features. So to this partially blind dude I may have looked and sounded like a tomboy. So, towards the end of class, he adds me on Snapchat. And he begins asking me questions usually meant for girls. Well in all my stupidity I thought he was being a gentlemen, when he pulled out a walking cane I instantly dropped my smile. This poor mostly ...

This morning, a coworker brought me coffee in a thermos from her home, which is something she does once or twice a week. Needless to say, I'm used to the flavor of this coffee by now, which always has a little bit of cream and a little bit of sugar. It's a medium roast coffee and very pleasant to drink. I got to work today, and we went through our morning routine of walking into the building and sipping on our coffee during the first meeting of the day. I took a sip of my coffee and realized instantly that it tasted... different. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant, but if I had to explain the taste, I'd say it was earthy and almost tasted like wood. I didn't want to say anything to her at first because who am I to complain about free coffee? I assumed she had just changed to a new brand. A few hours into the day (I sip on my coffee slowly at work), I began to feel very queasy and a little nauseous. I took a break, went to the bathroom, and started to vomit. I was ...

I feel so stupid right now. Background: my brother is trying to change jobs (and succeeding it most likely this week, but there’s always that 1% that could go wrong) because his current work is a toxic environment. Someone from my department who I barely speak to said she was talking to her best friend and my country’s name came up, so they both said they knew someone from that nationality. It turns out it was me and my brother. Her best friend is the HR at his company. I was positively surprised when I heard that. My brother sits right next to this HR person and has always said great things about her. For some stupid reason I thought they were friends. He has mentioned some personal things he’s shared with her, and she’s had helped him with some medical things. After showering the HR person with compliments, I asked if she said anything about him or the company, and added he might not be a good fit there. My coworker said her friend never talks about the company, and that’s just ...

This fuck up just happened, and I feel like a complete moron. I work 12 hour overnight shifts from 6pm-6am and it can get pretty boring in the wee morning hours when there’s nothing going on. It’s 3am, I’m scrolling through tiktok, and there’s a trend where people post screenshots of text conversations they’ve had with their ex’s asking themselves why they were with them in the first place. I’m bored, so I decide to (try) and do the same thing. I found a heated conversation I’d had with my ex in 2020. We dated for a little over a year on and off, it was not a healthy relationship, things ended pretty badly and he was the one who broke up with me twice. Anyway, I’m scrolling through the conversation with my ex, thinking about how lucky I am to have my current boyfriend and how grateful I am to be in a healthy relationship after some of the shit I’ve been through… when my phone decides this would be a GREAT time to “emphasize” one of the texts in the middle of the argument. Which of co...

This actually happened about 30 years ago, back in the dark ages when people didn’t own mobile phones. I know, primitive, right? Now, for any millennials out there who have ever wondered what those strange glass boxes are they see from time to time by the side of the street, they are a remnant from this prehistoric age, known as telephone boxes or phone booths for the American readers out there. Basically they were the closest thing we had to mobile telecommunications back in the day, as they were the only way to make phone calls whilst out and about. So with this education for the younger generation out of the way, onto the story. I lived in a house that didn’t have a phone, so the only way I could make a phone call was to go out and use one of these mythical phone boxes, and on this occasion that’s exactly what I did. I can’t remember who I called, probably my brother or a family member but the identity of the recipient of my call isn’t relevant to the story. So I pop off to the p...

Welp, I just found out that I have apparently been peeing incorrectly my whole life. I squeeze my pee out and the stream comes out like a pressure washer. Not because I need to, but just because I'm impatient. Apparently, you're NOT supposed to do that, and it can cause incontinence and all sorts of problems. Welp, it all makes sense now. I've had urinary urgency issues for most of my adult life. I pee VERY frequently, day and night, getting up to pee upwards of 6+ times per night. I did aaall the tests, including seeing a urologist, infection specialist, cystoscopy, ultrasound, diabetes tests (including insipidous), bacterial cultures, yeast... and it all came back normal. I'll be pissed if my power washer piss caused permanent damage to my urinary tract and/or pelvic muscles. Gonna talk to the doctor tomorrow. According to Yale Medicine urologist Dr Joseph Brito, you shouldn’t have to squeeze urine out. A healthy bladder works best when the pelvic floor muscles ...

It was actually a couple weeks ago now. me (20F) and lets call him J (20M) , were together for almost 6 months, only ever had one small argument, and overall was a really happy healthy relationship. However a couple months in I started taking the pill and it really messed with my mind, I lost who I was and looking in a mirror I just saw a shell of me looking back. I tried to find myself and just couldn't. I stopped taking it in doctor orders due to other medical problems to do with my periods and I slumped into a depressive episode. I thought I lost my feelings and fallen out of love with J but I see now I hadn't and I was just so emotionally numb I just couldn't feel the love I held for him. He is the man of my dreams and I'm scared to say anything to him because I don't think he'll want to listen or want me back, he wanted to remain friends which I said yes to but I've been giving him time and space and don't want to hurt him further as he has the big...

TW: extreme anxiety So it happened a week ago and I’m still as shocked. I landed in Paris with my gf at the airport CDG and took a train to the city. As I was carrying our luggage, my attention was mostly focused on the bags and missed one or two things taking place around us. We arrived at the station “Gare du Nord” and were to change trains. So as we were standing at the platform waiting for our train to come, I felt a very heavy weight pushing my gf from behind, as we were standing “glued” to each other. I saw a man pushing us so my first reaction was to push him back and restore some space. Guys please believe me, I didn’t use any amount of force enough to move an adult human 1mm from the spot, little you know the guy went FLYING, his fall felt so long until he “landed” IN THE TRACKS! I swiftly jumped after him, grabbed him literally like a potato sack and threw him over back to the platform and jumped back over, as the train just arrived, which would have taken me had I been 1 ...

This will be remembered in our flat till the end I think, Context: Our dorm consists of a floor with eight rooms and four bathrooms, it is intended that two people use one bathroom. Currently, I got no neighboring dorm mate, thus I have the privilege to use the bathroom for me alone. So I took a huge dump in our dorm and absolutely nothing I did solve the problem. I tried pouring dozens of hot water into the bowl, mixing dish soap with water, mixing baking powder with vinegar,standingd there for half an hour with a plunger and even tried this "lifehack" where you use plastic wrap to create tension and push to unclogg it. ​ Result The toilet looked normal and clean, still clogged, my guess is the "cause" of it just got pushed behind what you could see. I left it at it and contacted our facility manager, the bad news was it was on weekends, so I had to leave the "problem" there for a few days. As I´m the only person using this bathroom I had no probl...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/107ccyb/tifupdate_by_sending_my_boss_and_coworkers/ Final update for everyone that keeps messaging me to see how my disastrous life is going. I’m the talk of the whole company at this stage and everyone has seen said pictures by now, every day I’m in the office I hear a remark from someone or other about it. Most in whispers behind my back, but some a brazen enough to say it to my face. I think I respect them a bit more for being upfront. Lots of you guys suggested that I collect all these instances and file a bullying complaint with HR, but I decided to let it pass as I wasn’t their favourite person as of late. My boss has been watching my every move like a hawk, doubling my work load and expecting me to pick up all other slack from the whole team. I ran with her demands for a week but I eventually had enough and handed in my notice, I don’t get payed enough to deal with that work load. So she wins I give up, starting a new job on Monday. Sma...

Let me set the scene it's 10pm we've just gotten home after going out and my boyfriend started to not feel great. He decided hey, we should take vitamin C pills to ward off the illness. He gets a pill... no problem vitamin c goodness. He hands me the bottle I grab a pill perfectly normal. We both put the pill in our mouths. It tastes weird maybe it's the flavourless kind. It's a little hard and not melting in my mouth. Guess I have to bite it? Crunch a sand like texture fills my mouth. I think naybe that's just how this pill breaks down. It's a little weird but you know everyone has medicine preferences. I chew a few times before he notices the crunch sound is still haplening. Immediately he has concerns. So, I spit out a pastic casing. That's confusing, what's plastic in a pill bottle? Then we realise that I've bitten the silica gel packet from the pill bottle. Proceed to the next 20 minutes of freaking out and calling the poisons hotline. Now...

Okay, well, it happened over the weekend. I (22F) am staying with my BF (24M) of six months while going back and forth from college. This weekend I drove to our apartment and parked the car on the side of the street. Later we get a call from his mother saying that a car’s side mirror was left in front of our door. Long story short, someone had hit my car in a drunken accident and drove off. The side mirror that came off was theirs, but my car also took some damages. I quickly became upset, and just wanted to relax the rest of the night. My BF offered a margarita just to help calm my nerves and I took him up on the offer. For context, I take abilify to help with my bipolar disorder. For those that don’t know, that medicine and alcohol don’t always mix. For me, it gets me “double drunk,” or just drunk quicker. So, I usually just take small sips when I have a drink, and usually I only get sleepy. However, this time my BF put in more Tequila than usual. I was handed the drink and I began ...

https://ift.tt/RpJHBuM

Earlier this morning, I noticed a small amount of fecal matter in my cat’s anus. She often has her tail up in the air, especially when she’s meowing for treats. I proceeded to grab a wipe and the cat, and gently cleaned the area. It was in that moment that she squirted out a foul smelling poop spray onto my pants and the carpet. To make matters worse, her brother cat came over and started licking it up off the floor before I had the opportunity to clean it! And I thought dogs were gross… In my previous experiences of cleaning her area (because her brother cat often spooks her while she’s conducting business), she’s expressed her unhappiness to be fair. But never like this! I was under the impression that cats were clean little angels. Today, I fucked up and learned otherwise. 🐈 💨 TL;DR: noticed some goblins on my cat’s rear, so I cleaned it off and was sprayed with poop.

Obligatory: this happened a little over a year ago. I had recently signed up for a popular dating app and matched with a lovely Venezuelan girl, let's call her "F". She was very sweet, and had recently moved to the US. We chatted in the app a bit and hit it off. Her replies were sometimes worded slightly oddly, but since I assumed English was probably not her first language, I didn't think much of it at all. I even asked if she would like to switch to chatting in Spanish, and she readily agreed. I know a tiny bit of Spanish (like, the amount you learn going to High School in the Southern US), so I got good at using Google Translate to help me out. Fast forward a week or so later, we were clicking in the app and decided to meet up. I met her at her job (a casino) as she was getting off work. The casino parking lot was rather large so I called her for the first time to coordinate exactly which section to meet up in. The conversation went something like this: ...